How To Respond To Unsolicited Advice This Festive Season

There’s something about the festive season that invites commentary.

The house is fuller, the table is louder, the conversations are longer and suddenly, opinions about your child, your parenting, or your boundaries feel free to roam.

For many families, especially those raising neurodivergent children, the festive season brings a quiet tension beneath the tinsel. Not because we don’t love our families, but because misunderstanding still shows up where safety should live.

The comments don’t always sound cruel

Sometimes they sound like:

• “Have you tried just being firmer?”

• “They’ll grow out of it.”

• “He seems fine to me.”

• “Back in my day…”

Often, these comments come from people who genuinely believe they’re being helpful. That doesn’t mean they are.

Holding two truths at once

One thing I try to remind myself is this: Most people are doing the best they can with the information they have. That belief helps me stay grounded. It allows me to hold a generous interpretation of intent - even when the impact misses the mark entirely.

But generosity doesn’t mean tolerance without limits.

If someone were intentionally cruel or dismissive, I wouldn’t keep my family in that space. The fact that we’re there usually tells me this is ignorance, not malice, and that distinction matters when deciding how much energy to spend.

You don’t owe access to your inner world

There’s pressure during the festive season to explain ourselves. To justify routines, defend accommodation, and make our choices palatable to others. But remember, you don’t owe anyone a full briefing on your child’s nervous system over Christmas lunch.

You’re allowed to say:

• “We’re not talking about that today.”

• “This works for our family.”

• Or nothing at all.

Choosing not to engage isn’t avoidance, it’s discernment. You don’t need permission to opt out of gatherings where your family will not be emotionally safe.

Staying grounded changes everything

For me, the most important work happens internally.

When I’m regulated, comments feel like background noise. When I’m overwhelmed, they feel like threats.

Insensitive words aren’t emergencies. They can sting, but they’re not dangerous. Reminding myself of that helps me respond (or not) from a place of calm instead of defence.

I can always come back later and talk with my child. I can ask what they thought. I can name what didn’t sit right, but I don’t need to do it all in the moment.

Boundaries don’t have to be confrontational

Sometimes boundaries look like:

• Changing the subject without explanation

• Stepping away to help in the kitchen

• Letting silence do the work

Not every moment when learning how to respond to unsolicited advice this festive season requires a speech or a teachable moment. Sometimes the safest option is the quietest one. The goal isn’t to handle everything perfectly. It’s to protect your family, including yourself.

When it doesn’t go smoothly

Because sometimes it won’t. Sometimes you’ll react faster than you wanted to, your voice will sharpen, and the mama bear will come out swinging. That doesn’t mean you failed.

Repair is always an option - with your child, with yourself, and sometimes with others. Repair doesn’t always mean apologising either. Sometimes it means clarifying, reconnecting, or simply letting the moment pass.

A reminder you might need when learning how to respond to unsolicited advice this festive season

You advocate all year long. At school, at appointments and above all, in systems that weren’t built with your child in mind. You’re allowed to rest during the holidays, too.

You can choose when to engage and when to step back. You can choose peace, even when others don’t understand it yet.

However this season unfolds, you’re allowed to prioritise emotional safety over tradition, connection over compliance, and your family’s wellbeing over anyone else’s comfort.