Dysregulation isn't a behaviour problem. It's a stress response.

When children — especially neurodivergent children — are in a state of overwhelm, they’re not choosing chaos. Their bodies are doing everything they can to cope with the situation. When adults respond to that by isolating them, sending them behind dividers or into separate rooms, we teach them that their hardest moments must be done alone.

In that moment, they're not offered safety or tools; they're handed silence and a message that their needs are "too much".

I know firsthand how hard it is to stay calm when a child is hitting peak dysregulation. I’ve gotten it wrong before. I still do. Staying regulated yourself in those moments? That’s the work. It’s something I am actively practising daily. However, what I know now is this: Co-regulation creates safety. Isolation creates shame.

What our kids actually need:

• A calm, steady adult who can be their anchor

• A space where their big feelings aren’t punished, but supported

• Tools that honour their unique regulation needs (movement, visuals, breathing, time-ins, not time-outs)

• Understanding that “attention-seeking” is actually “connection-seeking”

Dysregulation isn't a behaviour problem, and this isn’t just a theory. It’s something we live and breathe as a family, and why we’re so vocal about neuro-affirming, strengths-based support. Our kids don’t need more rules. They need relationships. They don’t need more silence. They need safety.

We need to examine the outdated systems, strategies, and assumptions surrounding dysregulation and ask: Is this helping, or is it just a habit?

There’s a better way. A way that doesn’t ask our children to shrink so the system can stay the same. A way that recognises that even when they’re dysregulated, they are not too much and that dysregulation isn't a behaviour problem.

And maybe, just maybe, if more families broke the generational cycle of managing emotions, fewer kids would ever need to hear a door close behind them when what they truly need is someone to walk toward them.