Supporting Your Child Through Grief And Loss

I never anticipated just how much my almost three-year-old son, Sonny, would grieve the passing of his Poppy, my dad. Of course, I knew he would be sad, but I underestimated how deeply he would feel this loss and how tuned in he would be to my own sadness.

This morning, he told me, “I feel sad because I miss Poppy... and I don’t want Mummy to be sad anymore.” My heart shattered. This is the saddest period of my life, and now, as a parent, I find myself navigating not just my own grief, but also how to support my child through emotions that are so big and so new to him.

If you’ve found yourself in a similar situation where your little one is experiencing grief and you’re unsure how to help, I want to share what I’ve learned so far. It's not perfect or easy, but I hope if you're in a similar position to me, you find it helpful.

How Young Children Understand Death

Preschool-aged children don’t yet grasp the permanence of death. They may ask when their loved one is coming back or worry about whether they’re hungry or cold. While we instinctively want to soften the truth, using phrases like “Poppy went to sleep” or “Poppy is gone” can actually be confusing, even frightening to young children who take verbal communication quite literally.

Instead, using clear and simple language, like “Poppy died, and he won’t be coming back, but we can always love and remember him,” and "Poppy was sick, and his body stopped working. While we cannot see Poppy, we can talk to him whenever we like, that he will always be in our hearts and memories" helps them begin to understand.

Every family approaches conversations around death differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Some families may choose to talk about heaven or an afterlife, while others choose a non-denominational route. What’s most important is that your child feels comforted, safe, and reassured.

Common Ways Children Express Grief

Grief in young children looks different than in adults. Some common reactions include:

• Asking the same questions over and over

• Acting as if nothing has happened one moment, then being very emotional the next

• Regression (clinginess, disrupted sleep, toileting accidents)

• Acting out, irritability, or seeming more anxious

• Becoming very attached to a surviving parent or caregiver

• Displaying curiosity about death in a very matter-of-fact way

Every child will process grief in their own way, and that’s okay.

How to Support Your Child Through Grief

1. Talk Openly and Honestly

Even though it can feel uncomfortable, having open conversations about what has happened is important. Let them ask questions and answer in simple, honest ways. If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but I do know that we can always love and remember Poppy.”

2. Keep Routines as Consistent as Possible

When everything feels different, structure and predictability provide comfort, particuarly for neurodiverse children. Keeping meal times, bedtime routines, and other daily rituals the same can help children feel safe.

3. Offer Choices

Giving them small choices can help them feel included and in control, like asking if they want to look at photos together or if they’d like to draw a picture for their loved one. If there’s a funeral or memorial, let them decide if they want to be part of it.

4. Find Creative Outlets

Children express feelings through play, drawing, and storytelling. Some ideas to help them process their emotions include:

• Creating a memory box with photos and keepsakes

• Drawing pictures of their loved one

• Reading books about loss. We have personally found, "I Have An Angel" by Laura Feldman to be a great option for our family. Other popular options include The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup.

• Talking about happy memories together

Our family did something special for Sonny by visiting Build-A-Bear to create a bear that would remind him of his Poppy. The bear is dressed in an outfit similar to one my dad used to wear and includes a voice message I recorded from a voicemail he left me. I also sprayed it with his deodorant so it smells like him. I must admit, it's comforting for me to hold as well.

Our "Poppy Bear"

5. Reassure and Comfort

Young children might be unable to articulate their grief, but they sense our emotions. Assure them that feeling sad is normal and acceptable and that you are there to support them. Show them that despite your own sadness, you are navigating it together.

6. Maintain the Connection

Death doesn’t mean we stop loving or remembering. Saying their name, sharing memories, and keeping special traditions can help your child feel connected to their loved one. Maybe you visit a special place, make their favourite meal, or light a candle together.

Finding A Way Forward

This has been the hardest time of my life, and while I want to be strong for my son, I also know I can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s okay to ask for help, whether it’s leaning on family and friends or seeking support from a therapist. When you take care of yourself, you are also taking care of your child.

Grief isn’t something to "get over"—it’s something we learn to carry in new ways. For our little ones, that might mean asking the same questions 50 times. It might mean going from playing happily to suddenly bursting into tears. It might mean needing extra cuddles, extra patience, and extra reassurance.

If you’re walking this path right now, I see you. It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking, and it’s filled with moments where you don’t know what to say or do. But by showing up with love, honesty, and gentleness, we can help our little ones, and ourselves, navigate this difficult journey.