School Support for Neurodivergent Children and Why Good Intentions Aren't Enough

Dr Siobhan Lamb's session at the 2026 Victorian ADHD Conference was called "Beyond the Classroom: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners." It should have been called "Everything That's Broken and How We Start Fixing It."

Siobhan was diagnosed as ADHD at age seven and now runs Embrace Difference, with a mission to support a world where neurodivergent people soar. She's spent years sitting in the gap between schools, families, and clinicians, watching all three sides exhaust themselves while kids fall through the cracks.

This one hit close to home. If you're a parent who's ever felt like a full-time project manager when it comes to school support for neurodivergent children, this is for you.

The Systemic Disconnect

Siobhan clearly named the core problem: systemic disconnect. The people involved in supporting a neurodivergent child, such as parents, teachers, and allied health professionals, are all working with different languages, different goals, and different timelines.

She was sick of watching doctors and specialists hand recommendations to schools, only for teachers to look at them and think, "What the hell do they think I can do with this?"

Meanwhile, parents are burnt out from constantly having to connect all these silos and stop their kids from falling through the cracks. Not because anyone is doing a bad job, but because nobody's systems are talking to each other.

Three Perspectives, One Exhaustion

What made this session so powerful was that Siobhan shared quotes from all three sides.

Parents said things like:

• "By the time they put something in place, my daughter had already given up, and we were navigating school-can't."

• "I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm asking for someone to help connect the dots so my child doesn't keep falling through the cracks. I'm just so tired of doing it alone."

• "Never feeling carefree love that you see others have."

Teachers said things like:

• "We were told to 'wait for diagnosis' before adjusting anything. In the meantime, this student disengaged completely."

• "We get reports full of jargon with no clue how to implement them in a classroom context."

• "I didn't become a teacher to write referral forms and chase reports. I became a teacher to connect with kids."

Students said things like:

• "When people don't understand you, you start thinking there's something wrong with you. That's when I got really sad all the time." (8 years old)

• "If they'd known why I did it, maybe they would've helped instead of punishing me." (11 years old)

• "By the time they gave me the help, I'd already stopped caring." (14 years old)

Everyone is exhausted. Everyone cares. Nobody is connected. That's the problem.

A Clash of Paradigms

Siobhan offered four reframes that I think should be on a poster in every staffroom:

1. What looks like neglect is often paralysis

2. What looks like defensiveness is often a trauma response

3. What looks like disorganisation is often a disability

4. What looks like hostility is often a desperate attempt to be understood

These aren't excuses, they're context. When we look at behaviour without understanding the neurology driving it, we get it wrong.

The Hidden Load

She talked about the hidden load neurodivergent kids carry: the executive functioning demands, the emotional regulation required in demanding environments, the fatigue of masking to appear "fine," and the internal struggle of appearing successful while struggling inside. Just because a child seems fine does not mean they are fine.

This is poignant considering the current reframing of NDIS eligibility based on outward presentation.

What Doesn't Work for PDA

Siobhan was direct about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance): traditional approaches don't work. PDAers don't see hierarchy or authority. Avoiding demands is not a "choice," so punishment is useless. Even a parent's excitement can register as a demand.

Slide Content Credit: Dr Siobhan Lamb

The goal, she said, is to circumnavigate the nervous system and talk directly to the brain. Guide, don't direct. See aggression as a call for help. See running away as a demand for space.

What Not to Do

Her "What Not to Do" slide was blunt:

• Don't mistake compliance for wellbeing because a quiet student is not necessarily a thriving student

• Don't treat masking as success because masking is a survival strategy, not a sign of coping

• Don't isolate support inside the classroom only. Support must extend to the whole ecology

• Don't plan without student voice. Students must be part of their own support planning

Slide Image Credit: Dr Siobhan Lamb

Good intentions are important, but they are not enough when we're talking about someone's wellbeing and access to education.

The Bridge

Siobhan's solution is a bridge role. She is someone who sits between families, schools, and clinicians and translates between them. Not replacing any of those roles, but connecting them so the child doesn't get lost in the gaps.

A parent described it this way: "I could just say, 'Can we all talk to Siobhan?' and that made it feel like we were a team, not opponents."

A doctor said, "When there's a bridge, everyone can redirect that tension productively. It protects relationships, so the focus stays where it belongs: on the student."

The role of advocacy, Siobhan said, is to get it off the parents.

The Question About School Support For Neurodivergent Children That Won't Leave Me

She closed with this: "If a neurodivergent student in your school is not thriving. If they are anxious, avoidant, or excluded, do you consider that a failure of the student, or a failure of the system you are responsible for?"

It forces a direct admission of responsibility. There is no neutral answer.

I'm still thinking about it.

You can find Embrace Difference and Dr Siobhan Lamb's work supporting neurodivergent learners and their families online.